Are you tired of walking in "the strait and narrow way"? Are you finding that to "abide in the doctrine of Christ" is too restrictive? Does the mere mention of "the old paths" make you nauseated or send you into fits of rage against "antiquated thinking"? Are you finding it dull and boring to do all "in the name of the Lord Jesus"? Would you like to be able to enjoy greater freedom and more flexibility in your moral life . . . to loosen up and have more fun? Would you like to enjoy a more entertaining atmosphere in worship (whenever you may decide to attend worship)? Would you like to have a more broadminded and inclusive attitude toward the different religious beliefs and viewpoints that are out there in today's world? Then ask your D.D. ("Doctor of Divinity"), pastor, preacher, or priest about Progressivor. This medication has been on the market for several years, and has helped many to a more carefree, less restrictive religious life. It also is available in a generic brand known as Liberaluce.
This drug has worked wonders in the lives of thousands. It has enabled people to throw off old fogy moral values and to enjoy a wide range of sexual pleasures, including sex before marriage, sex outside of marriage, sex with others although married, sex with those of the same gender, as well as a variety of other sexual activities (whatever floats your boat). It permits a person to divorce and remarry as often as he or she chooses to do so, and for whatever reason is convenient, or simply to live together without being married at all. In short, it allows a person to be religious without having to be righteous.
Regular doses of Progressivor have proven to broaden one's tolerance of all kinds of religion, including Hinduism, Shintoism, Buddhism, Islam, Secularism, "New Age-ism," as well as the various "brands" of Christianity. Progressivor aids in the adoption of a "salad bar" type of religion which allows one to pick and choose bits and pieces from various religious traditions and to reject those parts that do not meet with one's own wisdom and approval. Progressivor immunes one from strict adherence to the Bible because the developers of Progressivor have determined that the Bible is wrong about many things.
Progressivor allows for entertaining worship services that really resonate and "rock" in today's culture. Guitars, banjos, fiddles, saxophones, trumpets, and percussions are all allowed. Just sit back and enjoy the show. There is no charge for admission. At some point a plate or basket may be passed through the audience and you will be invited to "pay," but you should feel free to "pay" only what you feel like "paying." ("Church" really can turn out to be a rather cheap way to enjoy some good entertainment). And the program is likely to feature a very entertaining speaker (either man or woman) who is able to deliver "one liners" as well as (or better than) any late night TV host you have ever heard. In short, Progressivor is a modern religious "wonder drug." Be sure to ask your "Doctor" about it today.
Potential harmful side effects of Progressivor include blurred vision, resulting in not being able to see at any distance. Total spiritual blindness has been known to occur in some cases. Progressivor is also known to result in deterioration of the backbone, weak knees, indistinct and misleading speech patterns, confused thinking, and ultimately eternal death (Romans 6:23). Be sure to check with your "Doctor" before taking Progressivor. Depending upon his view of God, the Scriptures, religion, and life in general, as well as his respect for the Great Physician, he may or may not recommend it. Progressivor is not for those who want to please God and live forever with Him in heaven. But for those who do not believe in either Heaven or Hell, or who believe in the former but not in the latter, Progressivor may be just the religious medication you have been looking for.