A. Illust: The media called it "the wedding of the century…"
1. According to the Archbishop of Canterbury it was "the stuff of which fairy tales are made."
a. On July 29, 1981, hundreds of dignitaries crowded St. Paul's Cathedral, hundreds of thousands filled the
streets of London, and hundreds of millions of people around the world sat in front of their television sets,
to share the spectacle of a royal wedding.
b. The marriage of the beautiful young school teacher and the heir to the British throne captured the fancy of the
world.
2. But what began with such pomp, pageantry, and promise unraveled publicly and painfully until at that remained
was an empty shell—two people living separate lives in separate places bound only by their children and the
power of the British monarchy.
a. An entire industry has grown up around the death of this particular marriage—assigning blame and circulating
gossip.
b. The tragic story of Charles and Diana reminds us that fairy tales don't always end like they used to: "so they
were married, and lived happily ever after."
B. Some cynics tell us that what happened to Charles and Diana was inevitable.
1. Marriage, they tell us, is a doomed institution, a relic of an outmoded era—it is irrelevant.
a. In the twenty-first century, long-range, healthy, and stable marriages are as plentiful as saber-toothed tigers.
b. So the only alternative is to develop more realistic "options".
2. At first glance, this opinion makes sense.
a. We are regularly made aware of how difficult marriage is today (i.e., spiraling divorce rates, dysfunctional
families, abusive relationships, "alternative" living arrangements, and homosexual partnerships)—yes, even
in the context of the Lord's church.
b. The media makes it appear that traditional marriage no longer works and something, or anything, must take
its place.
C. Good marriages are not only possible, but essential!
1. The answer to our problems is not to be found in the reinvention of marriage, but in the recovery of biblical
marriage.
2. Stable, thriving, satisfying marriages are possible if they are built upon the essential truths of God's Word by
people willing to follow Christ.
a. There are not pat formulae or magic solutions.
b. But there are hard answers for those who are willing to follow Christ in consistent obedience.
D. Having said that, we need to accept the fact that the marriage law of God is stricter than many would like it to be.
1. It is not surprising then, that some folks seek to initiate theories and practices which are not in harmony with
what the Bible teaches.
2. These digressions must not go unchallenged, because too much is at stake. "For what will it profit a man if he
gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?" Mk. 8:36
a. Happiness in marriage is important; fidelity to God and His Word is more so.
b. Truth and emotion are wrapped up in marital issues. (I hope you will agree with me when I say truth must
win).
I. Marriage is a by-product of evolution
A. Some scholars trace the origin or marriage to the pairing arrangements of animals.
. Studies reveal that many species of birds and animals pair for life.
. "Marriage is a product of evolution and culture more than of religion; religion has merely defined certain forms
in which it manifests. Marriage, at its most basic levels, exists in order to increase the survival odds of the
species by providing a force that attempts to keep the parents (usually the male) confined in a family unit to
protect and nurture their offspring. Our ancestral females without a male protector were much more likely to be
killed by predators or unable to hunt and gather food for their offspring; societies that created frameworks in
which males were socially compelled to stick around had much lower instances of such occurrences and thus
greater chances of survival. The primitive couplings of early humans evolved, over time, into the idea of
marriage." (http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=315712425&blogId=404126958)
1. The alleged evolutionary development of humanity from lower life forms is without any historical, scientific,
or biblical basis. "Then God said, 'Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have
dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every
creeping thing that creeps on the earth.' So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created
him; male and female He created them." Gen. 1:26-27
a. Man is more than simply a very complex and highly organized animal.
b. There is something in man which is not only quantitatively greater, but qualitatively distinctive,
something not possessed in any degree by the animals. (Man was made in the image and likeness of God
Himself!)
2. Marriage was designed and created by God from the beginning. "And the LORD God said, 'It is not good
that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.' And the LORD God caused a deep
sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the
rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And
Adam said: 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was
taken out of Man.'" Gen. 2:18, 21-24
a. Jesus was present at the Creation. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the
the Word was God." Jn. 1:1; cf. Mt. 19:4—"…Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning…"
b. If man came about millions of years after the world began, then Jesus was a liar. (If I can't trust Him about
creation, how can I trust Him about salvation)!
2. Marriage was designed to provide for man and woman:
1. Companionship. "And the LORD God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper
comparable to him." Gen. 2:18
2. A legitimate avenue through which to bring children into the world. "Then God blessed them, and God said to
them, 'Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the
birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'" Gen. 1:28
3. A moral means for satisfying our sexual appetite.
a. "Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her
own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also wife to her
husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the
husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except
with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that
Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." 1 Cor. 7:2-5
1) Affection due or due benevolence (KJV) ten oppheilo, means "one's due."
2) Both husband and wife owe sexual, conjugal rights to one another. (Sex inside of Scriptural marriage is
good; sex outside of marriage is wrong.)
b. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge."
Heb. 13:4
*. Marriage is not some evolutionary accident; it is a divinely arranged institution for the human family!
II. Living together
A. Statistics:
. The number of unmarried couples living together soared 12-fold from 430,000 in 1960 to 5.4 million in 2005.
. More than half the brides in the '90s married their live-in partners.
. Couples who live together are three times more likely to suffer from depression than married couples do.
. Living together outside of marriage increases the risk for domestic violence, especially sexual abuse, when
children are present.
1. Not many years ago this practice was relatively rare and considered unacceptable in society. (Today it doesn't
even raise an eyebrow).
2. "Where there is love-justice, sexual expression has ethical integrity. That moral principle applies to singles,
as well as married persons, to gay, lesbian, and bi-sexual persons, as well as to heterosexual persons" (from
a special committee on human sexuality in the Presbyterian church). (Some preachers are suggesting that
sexual regulations in the Bible are cultural, much like slavery, and may be ignored in today's world).
B. The teaching of the NT regarding sexual conduct is not cultural. (Instead, it is based upon moral principles,
divinely imposed, that are eternal).
1. In the Bible, sexual activity outside of marriage is called fornication—sexual immorality (NKJV).
a. The Greek word, porneia, is a generic term for all illicit sexual activity.
b. Verses:
. "Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have
her own husband." 1 Cor. 7:2
. "But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with
passion." 1 Cor. 7:9
. "Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body
is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body." 1 Cor. 6:13
. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge."
Heb. 13:4
. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality." 1 Thess.
4:3
2. Jesus taught that fornication degrades and condemns. "For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders,
adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. These are the things which defile a man, but to
eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man." Mt. 15:19-20
a. Any sinful activity carries serious consequences; sexual sin is no exception.
b. The devil would have us believe that sexual promiscuity is normal, acceptable, and free of cost.
. But the truth is that any form of disobedience has serious consequences, and that is especially so in
in this realm. Ex: guilt, self-condemnation, a divided mind, anxiety, damaged self-esteem, hypocrisy,
emptiness, disappointment, anger, depression, dishonesty, etc.
. Ex: Student who got his girlfriend pregnant. She got an abortion. He spent hours in the shower alone
trying to wash away the guilt.
3. Living together, apart from a committed marital relationship, is not God's will for man and woman.
a. More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or after-
wards in divorce.
b. Couples who do marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who did not.
c. A Penn State study reports that even a month's cohabitation decreases the quality of the couple's
relationship. Dr. Nancy Moore Clatworthy, sociologist, has been doing research on "living together" for 10
years. When she began her research, the idea of living together before committing yourself to marriage
made good sense to her. Now, after scientifically analyzing the results of hundreds of surveys filled out by
couples who had lived together, she opposes living together in any form. Her answers make a powerful
biblical point: only a fully committed marriage relationship is really suited to working out the best possible
relationship (Tim Stafford). And I would add that only a fully committed marriage relationship in Christ is
really suited to working out the best possible relationship!
III. Open marriage
A. This is an arrangement whereby a couple, though married to one another, mutually agree that each partner
can have sex with other people. (Today this is called "polyamory," or many loves).
B. Excerpts from "The Truth About Open Marriage":
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/the-truth-about-open-marriage
1. Ex: In the 1920's, Judge Ben Lindsey toured the country lecturing on what he called "companionate
marriage." Everywhere he went, Lindsey challenged preachers to debate him on his theme; he was
wildly popular. By the Spring of 1928, he had conducted 23 debates, and by actual vote, had overwhelmingly
won all of them. However, on April 2, 1928, G. C. Brewer met Judge Lindsey in a debate in Memphis before a
crowd of more than 1,500 people. Brewer devastated Lindsey and the debate signaled the end of Lindsey's
career as a debater. Eventually Lindsey even recanted his position.
2. Lindsey's immoral arrangement was nothing more than adultery by consent.
Concl:
A. I read about a preacher who began a series on marriage titled Blockbuster Marriages: Writer, Director, and
Producer—God.
1. This is what we all want—a blockbuster marriage, an exceptional marriage.
2. And it is possible to have one because, as the "cast," we've been given the most important ingredients: We have
the script from the Writer, Director, and Producer.
a. But like haughty, undisciplined actors and actresses on a film set, we sometimes change the scene and the
lines without informing anyone else.
b. That kind of behavior throws everyone off balance, delays production, raises the cost of the film, and
generates tension among other participants.
B. The reason most couples struggle in their marriage is because somewhere, somehow, they've changed the script
and ignored the Director.
1. They have their own ideas about what a marriage should do and how it should work, and so they're content to
follow their amateurish ideas and reject a storyline that works.
2. God has a plan for every marriage—a plan to fulfill a grand purpose—and a marriage works best when you
commit to following the script and the Director.
C. Illust: from Richard Selzer, MD titled Moral Lessons: Notes on the Art of Surgery—I stand by the bed where a young
woman lies, her face postoperative, her mouth twisted in palsy, clownish. A tiny twig of the facial nerve, the one to
the muscles of her mouth, has been severed. She will be thus from now on. The surgeon had followed with
religious fervor the curve of the flesh; I promise you that. Nevertheless, to remove the tumor in her cheek, I had to
cut the little nerve.
Her young husband is in the room. He stands on the opposite side of the bed, and together they seem to dwell
in the evening lamplight, isolated from me, private. Who are they, I ask myself, he and this wry-mouth I have made,
who gaze at and touch each other so generously, greedily? The young woman speaks.
"Will my mouth always be like this?" she asks.
"Yes," I say, "it will. It's because the nerve was cut."
She nods and is silent. But the young man smiles."
"I like it," he says. "It is kind of cute."
All at once I know who he is. I understand, and I lower my gaze. One is not bold in an encounter with a god.
Unmindful, he bends to kiss her crooked mouth, and I'm so close I can see how he twists his own lips to
accommodate to hers, to show her that their kiss still works. I remember that the gods appeared in ancient Greece
as mortals, and I hold my breath and le the wonder in.
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